Do people sometimes comment about how nice, kind, or strong you are?

Are you rarely that nice to yourself?

Well, you’re not alone.

Why Compassion for our selves can be difficult

Critical inner parts

You know all about this. There is probably no bigger critic in your life than you. It may have started because of false messages from others. But eventually, you can internalize those messages and see them as true.

Abusive relationships

Physical, sexual, and psychological abuse can change us in many ways. Abusers will lead us to believe they know best. We may end up thinking they know us better than we know ourselves.


We love to help, but we often lose ourselves in the process. There’s no help, love, or compassion left for ourselves once we’re done with others. That leaves us drained, empty, and without the support we need.


Our high-tech world makes it rather easy to decrease face-to-face human contact. Sure, there are some benefits but we are social creatures. Without such connections, we lose sight of our own needs.

Show Yourself The Same Compassion That Others Do by:

  1. Honoring your body

Taking good care of your body is a wonderful place to start. Proper eating habits. Regular sleep patterns. Daily exercise and activity. These are the foundation of understanding your needs on a basic level.

  1. Offering balance to your mind

Everyone knows how to get stressed. But how many know how to truly relax? Stress management is a crucial step. Try yoga, Tai Chi, or meditation, for starters.

  1. Practice mindfulness

Compassion exists in the moment. This moment. Right now. As we learn to stay present in our lives, the need for self-compassion becomes crystal clear.

  1. Practice gratitude

When you find yourself in self-sabotaging mode, there’s a question you can ask. “What am I grateful for?” Gratitude and appreciation bring us to the moment and towards compassion.

  1. Take social media breaks

Thanks to social media, we can now feel inadequate in record time. One scroll through your news feed and you can believe you’re the only one not living a happy life. Choose to take periodic breaks. Remind yourself what real life looks and feels like. Give yourself permission to live without checking in to see how many people approve or disapprove.

  1. Take a good long look at the people in your life

Do you have a support system? Friends, family, co-workers, neighbors—what do they bring to your life? Be selective about your inner circle. Their impact is bigger than you might imagine.

  1. Practice acceptance

Perfection is a trap. Life is a not a fairy tale or Hollywood blockbuster. Accept who you are, where you are, and the process you’re in.

  1. Help others

Huh? Yes, this suggestion sounds very contradictory. But, when practiced consciously, we can love ourselves in the act of giving. We recognize our value. From there, it’s a smoother ride towards self-compassion.

  1. Prioritize fun!

When you’re being mindful, it’s easier to see the present moment as a gift. So, try not put off having fun. As the song goes, “Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.”

It’s not unusual to have reached a point where self-compassion feels impossible. Years of abuse or “codependency” can cloud your perceptions. Bad breaks, hard luck, and more may dampen your hope. You may think others are doing really well. But when it comes to the person in the mirror, you’re confused at best.

Working with a therapist is a setting for rebuilding your self-image. You can work through the past and see the present more clearly. From this position, it’s easier to show yourself the compassion others do. It’s easier to create positive, self-loving strategies for the future.


By CounselingWise on July 10, 2017