Whoever coined the term “heartache” knew what they were talking about. Breaking up with a committed partner—no matter what the reasons are—is never to be taken lightly. It’s often unavoidable and so is the pain. There’s no value in trying to make yourself immune, pushing the emotions down, or rushing back too quickly. The pain of a broken heart deserves our full focus and attention. To choose otherwise is to invite emotional complications.
In the realm of bereavement, there’s something known as “complicated grief.” Marked by a heightened state of mourning, this condition is present in up to 20 percent of those dealing with the death of a loved one. The inability to accept the situation can lead to an inability to move on and heal.
When a relationship ends, we may experience a parallel or even a version of complicated grief. After all, it is a loss. Mourning is applicable. It will take time. In some cases, however, we may start believing that we can’t get past the pain of a break-up.
How to Get Past Heartache to Fall in Love Again
- Stick to a singular path when it comes to your ex
Conventional wisdom tells us that break-ups can be difficult and sometimes ugly. The word “ex” often has a terrible reputation. But you and your former partner may not see any reason to burn bridges. Whichever path you choose, why not choose it together. From there, if you stick to your agreement together you will have more ability to focus on your personal recovery.
- Find or create a support system
You will most likely need time alone to think, to cry, and to process. Too much time alone can sometimes complicate the situation. This can be tricky because when couples split, their mutual friends often keep some distance. Be sure to find trusted friends or family members who will be there for you.
- Fake it till you make it
Life goes on. It’s difficult but you have to go to work. School doesn’t stop. Your full menu of responsibilities is not going to suddenly disappear until you feel better. This is when and why we must embrace the “fake it till you make it” mentality at times. Consider it emotional self-defense.
- Start a regular regimen of altruism
Being single can leave a void in your life. It’s easy to let grief fully fill that void. Why not instead aim some of that extra time and energy towards helping others? Volunteering is easy. But creating your own plan for daily altruism will feel more like a mission.
- Take care of yourself
You must become the best version of yourself to work through the pain. The first step, as always, is a daily program of self-care. Areas to focus on include: healthy eating, regular sleep patterns, daily exercise, and relaxation techniques.
- Don’t fear the rebound
There are so many myths about relationships. Fearing a “rebound” is one of them. There’s no proof that a rebound relationship is any more likely to have problems. So, if you feel something, don’t hold back because of an urban legend.
Therapy as “Pain Management”
Grief is not a solo act. Neither is heartache. Solitude has its benefits for sure. Yet, isolation is not recommended. As mentioned above, a support system is essential. But you might want to consider a more specific step: counseling. Talking about the pain of heartbreak is important. Talking about it to someone with the professional skills to help is super important. Your weekly therapy sessions will become like emotional pain management—bringing you closer to that state where you can’t wait to fall in love again
By CounselingWise on January 8, 2018