You have a hole in your wall. You put it there.
You have an apology to make. You said too much.
You have traffic ticket to pay. You just should’ve put on the stupid brakes.
But you didn’t.
You rarely do.
You’re beginning to think that putting the brakes on your anger is just too hard for you.
You often cost yourself time, money, and friends.
Still, does that mean you have an “anger problem”?
Everybody gets angry, right?
How can you tell if you really need help?
Consider the following these 6 signs of anger to see if you might have a problem:
Is anger your routine?
Is anger with you all the time? Do you immediately find yourself irritated and annoyed by everyday challenges or disagreeable people? If so, you might need to ask yourself why. How often do you catch yourself becoming highly defensive and attack verbally at the slightest provocation? Are you able to stop yourself before getting too heated?
When anger lives inside you, it becomes a way of life. It may feel like you can’t operate from any other place or emotion.
Routine, chronic anger feeds on itself. You may eventually find yourself sick or depressed if you are constantly managing such intense emotional responses.
Does your anger refuse to expire?
Do you stew over offenses? Or make a long campaign of outrage or bitterness about the way someone treated you in the past? If you can’t forgive once you’ve been crossed, anger has too firm a grip on your history and potential future.
Your inability to let go of the past may be an indicator that you are emotionally stuck or unwilling to move forward.
Does your anger make you dishonest?
Just because you’re not yelling doesn’t mean you don’t have an anger problem. There are a variety of ways anger punishes or controls:
– Are you indirect? Maddening sarcasm, silent treatments, or ignoring people generally characterizes passive anger.
– Are you avoidant? Repressed anger can trick you into thinking you don’t have a problem. You spend most of your time avoiding and very little of your time resolving problems.
– Are you a blamer? You justify anger by acting as though your issues are always someone else’s fault.
Is your anger volatile or violent?
If you think anger gives you permission to yell, swear, or bait others, you’re crossing the line.
Furthermore, throwing objects, pushing, or hitting are definite examples of unacceptable anger responses. Unchecked, you could do permanent damage or cause irreparable harm.
Reach out to a therapist who can help you develop healthier anger management skills.
Does your anger make you think you’re the boss?
Do you have “authority issues”? How receptive are you to the correction of a supervisor at work or to traffic rules? An inability to accept criticism or limits without aggressive resistance will hold you back.
Your anger could bring harsh consequences if you continue to believe being told what to do is an attack on you.
Is your anger losing you friends?
Have your loved one’s been trying to tell you that your anger makes them uncomfortable or afraid of you?
It’s possible your family and friends don’t trust you any more. Too many outbursts, accusations, and embarrassing scenes have taught them to stay out of your way.
Anger is normal and human.
But it’s not normal to be angry everyday or at the drop of a hat.
You may be dealing with the kind of anger that is intrusive and draining. Talk to a counselor to stop anger from sapping the joy out of your life and relationships.
by Counseling Wise on January 30, 2015